


Free! Drabble collection

by ssol00



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drabble Collection, M/M, No Plot/Plotless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:27:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssol00/pseuds/ssol00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of unrelated drabbles. The pairing is Sourin. Sometimes, there will be hints of Harurin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vampire AU

It is dead quiet. Rin’s breath comes out in puffs of clouds that disappear into the frosty stillness. It’s a myth that vampires are cold-blooded — Rin has a higher metabolism than normal humans and when he is hunting his touch can seem almost feverish to his prey. His eyesight is keener, his hearing is sharper and his movements are faster than the average person. He is stronger too; he can rip off a head clean from its body with his bare hands. He has done this before, years ago when he had less control over himself. He tightens his grip ever so slightly.

Now, he understands that control is key to survival. Rin keeps a tight feeding schedule, making sure he takes as much as he needs, and only that. He never overfeeds. Rin has an unusual body, extremely sensitive to whatever hits his stomach. Unlike most vampires he can’t digest animal blood or even old human blood. It’s a pain in the ass, and it’s nearly cost him his life multiple times in the past, but the only thing Rin can handle is human blood, fresh out of the body. And even that, too much at one time can make him sick.

'So troublesome.' It sounds like something Haru would say of him, and Rin thinks how unfair it is that Haru can survive just fine on fish blood. In fact, he even prefers it to human blood. The one time Haru convinced Rin to try out mackerel blood left Rin sick and heaving for three days.

It was also the only time Rin ever saw Haru hunt. He never attacked humans unless he absolutely had to, and Rin was glad that Haru deemed feeding Rin worthy of a hunt. Haru had been quick and precise, cold and beautiful; his victim probably never felt a thing.

Rin too, is a skilled hunter. He never kills his prey unless he has to and he hasn’t had to for a couple of years until this day.

"Rin."

Rin glances up at the taller boy he has pinned against the wall. Yamazaki Sousuke. They are so close that Sousuke’s breath ghosts against Rin’s face. Rin can see the clear blue of his eyes and the green flecks that shine under the ratty streetlight.

"Sousuke."

He hears Haru’s voice in his head — everything becomes too troublesome when a human is involved. It gets harder to keep secrets. Lies grow exponentially until the truth is twisted beyond repair. Rin knows what Haru says is true — it’s what happened between them. And they never really mended the relationship, even when Haru stopped being human.

And yet, Rin hesitates. Sousuke’s blood is pulsing under his fingertips. He doesn’t even have to break skin. Death by asphyxiation would be the least painless. He doesn’t want to feed on Sousuke, especially after being caught with blood on his lips and a limp body in his arms. Sousuke must think he’s some sort of monster and in all honesty, Rin doesn’t blame him.

Rin glances at his victim who is slumped over the curb, a few feet away. He will be waking up soon and then Rin will have one more person to rid of. Rin feels Sousuke shift under his hand he reluctantly pushes with more force. Sousuke doesn’t say anything — just looks at him with an unwavering gaze. He has amazing eyes.

He remembers when he first saw them across the classroom, they had been brooding and cloudy then, but now they are clear and piercing through Rin, boring into the back of his skull. Rin shivers.

"I shouldn’t have approached you. I’m sorry." Rin manages to grit out. He had been stupid. He should have known better. He doesn’t know why he is dragging this out. The whole situation should have ended minutes ago, when Sousuke first caught him feeding.

Rin freezes as he feels Sousuke lift his hand and touch his cheek. His hand is cool against Rin’s skin and Rin leans into it instinctively before he can stop himself. His throat is dry and his chest hurts. He feels his lower lip start to tremble. He must have loosened his grip at some point, because Sousuke leans in closer and closer until their noses are touching. All Rin can see is the deep, vast blueness of his eyes fringed with dark eyelashes.

"Are you going to kill me, Rin?" The sentence sounds so outlandish, even to Rin’s ears, that he cringes. In his head, Rin starts listing the reasons why he should, why he has to — but he feels something soft graze over his lips, his eyelids, his cheeks.

"Your tears taste funny. Like blood," Sousuke whispers.


	2. Sousuke and Rin, from Haru's perspective

Haruka never imagined he would be having this conversation with Yamazaki. He stared dumbly at the way Yamazaki’s hands dwarfed the cup Haruka handed him so that it looked like part of a doll’s tea party set. It added to the dissonance of the situation; Yamazaki looked so out of place in Haruka’s small living room. He had a big presence, and Haruka absentmindedly wondered how Rin had managed to live with him in that tiny Samezuka dorm room for the past year. He didn’t want to dwell on the thought for too long, though. He was sure he wouldn’t like the answer.

Throughout the course of the year Yamazaki had softened somewhat and he was no longer openly antagonistic towards him. He still didn’t talk to Haruka if he could help it, but Haruka was fine with that. He hadn’t had much to say to him either, at least, until this day.

Haruka guessed that Rin had something to do with the change. He had been acutely aware from the start how Yamazaki’s whole demeanor shifted in Rin’s presence. His eyes were brighter and the perpetual scowl on his face softened into something undeniably tender. Recently, it seemed as if some of that gentleness was here to stay. Yamazaki looked happier, and it only made sense that Rin had played a part in that change. 

Rin looked happier, too. He had been scouted by one of the best teams in Japan and he was closer than ever to reaching his Olympic dream. Haruka was happy for him, so happy that his chest hurt when he looked at Rin. Rin, with his carefree laughter and bright, shining eyes — he looked so young and handsome, as if nothing could stop him, and Haruka found himself wishing he could live in the present moment forever.

Haruka himself had been scouted, too. Not by the same team as Rin, but just as prestigious. It didn’t matter to Haruka as long as he could swim, though. When he said that aloud Makoto had given him a fond, exasperated look while Rin had silently glowered at him. It took Haruka a moment to realize why. Yamazaki. He wouldn’t be swimming any time soon (maybe not ever — Haruka had been too afraid to ask Rin for fear how Rin would react) and too late Haruka felt chastened with guilt.

Despite all of this Yamazaki remained happy for Rin.

Haruka and Rin were due for training soon, in a far off location abroad. Although they were on separate teams, the facility they were using was the same and out of convenience Haruka and Rin had decided to room close to each other, although not together.

It had been Haruka’s decision not to room together, but he didn’t miss the flicker of relief on Rin’s face. Their friends thought it was weird, but Rin offhandedly dismissed it by saying even the best of friends could get on each others’ nerves when they lived together. Rin’s explanation felt forced, but no one commented on it. Haruka thought he knew why.

Haruka looked across the table at Yamazaki. He went straight to the point.

"You love Rin." He said it quietly. Months ago, it wouldn’t have come out so easily, but now it slipped from his mouth naturally — it was no longer a question, but an acknowledgment of something he had come to terms with. He could feel Yamazaki’s hard blue eyes focus on him, and he noted how his gaze didn’t waver. He wondered how long Yamazaki had been aware of his feelings towards Rin and with a pang he realized that it must have been a long, long time — so long that he didn’t even flinch upon hearing the words.

"He likes you, though." Yamazaki said dully. Haruka felt a twinge of something flicker inside of him, something akin to victory, but it left him feeling sick and mean. A few months ago, he would have believed what Yamazaki said and he would have left it at that. Yet, he couldn’t anymore. Not when Rin was looking so happy — over something that Haruka had no part in. Haruka was used to having things handed to him, and he could have treated Rin’s affection the same way, but he didn’t want to. Maybe he was stupid for doing this, sitting here, having this conversation with Yamazaki.

"Yes. He could love me. Probably." Haruka twisted his hands. It wasn’t quite the truth. He had no doubt that Rin could love him; he was sure of it. All he had to do was reach out and take what had been offered to him. He had that power.

And yet, something stopped him. He looked at Yamazaki’s brooding form. Involuntarily, his eyes skimmed over Yamazaki’s shoulder. He didn’t know the extent of the injury, but he knew Rin did. He never heard the two of them talk about it, except maybe once — it had been during a joint practice at Samezuka — Yamazaki had given up club activities at this point, but he still joined now and then to give pointers to underclassmen. Haruka saw Rin run his fingertips over Yamazaki’s shoulder, murmuring something in a low voice that he couldn’t quite catch.

He remembers feeling awkward, as if he had intruded something very private. He had always assumed that he had Rin’s undivided attention, and until now he had good reason to think so; it was hard to miss the way Rin focused his energy on him when they were together. But, something about that moment had been alien to Haruka. He never knew Rin could look like that — soft, caring and gentle.

He felt the words slip from his mouth more easily than he had anticipated. “He could love you, too.” Honestly, it felt sort of good to let it out, even though the thought curled unpleasantly in his stomach. It was the truth and someone had to tell Yamazaki. He only wondered why it had to be himself.


	3. If you had to pick a boyfriend

"Rin-senpai! Hey, Rin-senpai--!!"

Momo's voice echoes through the natatorium and Rin feels his eyebrows twitch at the sheer volume. He appreciates Momo's enthusiasm, and in private he admits to himself that it's even a little cute; Momo feels like the little brother he never had.

"Rin-senpai!! You would totally pick me, right?! Please pick me, I'd be the best boyfriend!"

Then again, thank god he never had a little brother like Momo. What the fuck.

"Momo-kun! Wait--!"

Momo and Ai both stop in front of Rin, Momo with a blinding grin on his face and Ai, slightly out of breath with one hand firmly holding the back of Momo's swimsuit as if to prevent Momo from jumping onto Rin. Not that he would -- he usually had more sense than that -- but you could never really tell with Momo. Rin shoots Ai an appreciative glance and Ai gives him a gentle smile in return.

"What are you two talking about?" The words slip out of Rin's mouth before he can stop them and he notices with alarm that Momo's eyes are flashing with glee. He knows that look -- it's the over-energetic patented Mikoshiba look that apparently all of the Mikoshiba boys share. (At least Momo is smaller than Rin. Much easier to restrain than his old captain.)

"Oh, I was just telling him about that conversation we had last year, Rin-senpai. You know, who would be your boyfriend if you were a girl. I told Momo-kun that you had a hard time choosing last year-- of course, that makes sense because Rin-senpai would never date just anybody, but--"

Ai stops short when he sees the expression on Rin's face and gives a frightened little squeak. Rin feels almost sorry, because he hasn't snapped at Ai for a long time now, but really. He does _not_ need this right now.

Unfortunately, his expression doesn't seem to affect Momo at all, probably because he's been on the receiving end of substantially scarier ones. Momo fixes his bright eyes at Rin with a huge grin on his face and Rin is positive that he sees sparkles flash around him.

"So, Rin senpai. If you had to pick this year from the swim team, who would be your boyfriend? Not Nitori-senpai, right? You already turned him down last year..." -- A muffled protest from Ai -- "...and Ni-chan isn't here anymore, so it's got to be me! Right?"

Rin looks critically at Momo and considers him for a minute.

Okay, less than five seconds.

He can already see the picture clear in his head, Momo hiding stag beetles under his pillow as gifts and texting him incessantly about his favorite foods and movies. In fact, Momo has done all of that already, and would have continued to do so if Sousuke hadn't intervened.

Sousuke. Rin stops at the thought of his childhood best friend. Sousuke was reliable. He wasn't like Momo who had a lot of passion, but was lacking in endurance. The opposite was true of Ai, who worked harder than everyone, but sometimes lacked the spark to drive himself forward. No, Sousuke had passion and he was mature enough to know that you needed to put in hard work and effort to see results. Rin had always admired that about Sousuke.

Sousuke was easy to be around, too. Rin could vouch for it; after all, he was his roommate. Sousuke was clean, but not excessively so. His bed was always made. He folded his clothes neatly into the closet. (Sometimes he folded Rin's as well, although Rin complained to him that there was no need to fold his boxers -- he hadn't really been annoyed though, just embarrassed.) Sousuke was a dedicated athlete, so he never stayed up late. In fact, they had really similar sleep cycles. Come to think of it, they even liked eating the same things. Maybe that was why Rin never noticed he was spending so much time with Sousuke. They seldom argued over things and when they did, they always solved it with a throw-down.

Rin supposed Sousuke might look intimidating to outsiders, but wasn't that actually a plus if he were a boyfriend? No one wanted their boyfriend to be nice to _everyone_. Sousuke was a bit standoffish, but that was because he took time to open up to people. Once he did, he was the nicest guy Rin had ever known. Yes, even including Makoto, because Sousuke's brand of niceness was the kind that left you dizzy with gratitude, breathless at the magnitude. The guy was so fucking selfless sometimes that it made Rin want to shout at him. Why didn't he ever hold it against Rin for losing contact with him? For finding about his shoulder so late. For being such a crummy best friend. He made Rin want to cry sometimes.

"Um... Rin-senpai?"

He must have been spacing out. Ai is giving him a worried look, and Momo looks impatient for having to wait so long for an answer.

"It's a stupid question. I have no idea why you keep asking, but if you really want to know I guess it would be Sousuke." Rin finally lets out. He sees Ai give out a little 'oh' and then nod in understanding. Momo does the same, and -- it's perturbing. Rin was expecting Momo to start screeching how it wasn't fair, or start listing out reasons why he would be a better choice than Sousuke, but neither of them say a word. What the fuck.

"Hey. What's with those looks you're giving me?" He grits out and Ai nods a bit apologetically. "Ah. It's just..." He flushes a bit and then stammers out, "...it makes sense once you think about it, Rin-senpai. You look so comfortable around Yamazaki-senpai."

Rin doesn't know why, but he's starting to blush as well and that's when Momo decides to chirp in, "Yeah, and Yamazaki-senpai is _really_ ripped. And big! Have you seen him shower Rin-senpai? He has the biggest--"

A shadow is cast over Rin as an arm comes from behind and flicks Momo on the forehead. Hard. Normally, Rin would grin at Sousuke for the perfect timing, but he's still blushing and geez, why is Sousuke standing so close to him? Rin can feel his body heat radiating from behind his back.

"Don't stare at my balls when I'm in the shower, Mikoshiba."

Momo rubs his forehead and mutters through the corner of his mouth, "Well, it's _really_ hard to miss, you know." And Rin has the sudden urge to laugh because it's true (it _is_ really hard to miss) and -- how much of this conversation has Sousuke heard? It's bad enough if he thinks they're discussing his junk, but if he's overheard more Rin just wants to curl up and die.

"Rin."

Rin can't bring himself to look at Sousuke. Fuck. Why won't his stupid blush go away? Sousuke leans in so his face is right there, right next to Rin's, he can feel it --

He hears Ai's gasp before he registers what's happened. Something soft and warm presses lightly against his cheek, just shy from the corner of his mouth, and when he twirls around Sousuke is looking down at him with an easy grin on his face.

"I'm flattered Rin, but I hope your reasoning for picking me goes deeper than my balls."

Oh, that bastard. Rin feels a grin breaking through his face as he kicks Sousuke hard in the ass and it feels so right when his knee connects to the hard muscle there. His face still feels hot, but he can tell Sousuke is blushing, too, and that helps. Maybe someday they'll figure out what to do with all this flirting. Hopefully, someday soon.


	4. Domestic roommates

He doesn’t know when they started, but by the time he realizes what they are doing it has already become second nature.

"I’m back, Sousuke."

"Welcome home, Rin."

From his desk, Sousuke watches Rin toss his bookbag on the floor and flop onto his bed. He never thought it was weird that they greeted each other when they came back to their dorm room. Sousuke and Rin have similar schedules so they usually came back together, but on the rare occasion they didn't, Sousuke could count on Rin flashing him a smile and greeting him with a “Welcome home” or “I’m back.”

Yesterday it happened when one of the swim club members was visiting their room — Sousuke had been giving him some pointers on the butterfly when Rin came back — and he didn’t think twice when he greeted Rin as he normally did. That is, until the swim club member stared at them in awe and muttered something about ‘touchy-feeliness’ and also something along the lines of ‘I never knew you were the type, Yamazaki-senpai.’

Maybe it was weird. For one thing, he knew most of the guys didn't call their dorm rooms ‘home.’

"Hey Sousuke, wanna go get something to drink?"

Rin looks so comfortable on his bed. His hair is tousled in a way that outsiders don’t often get to see. He’s peeled his socks off and changed into a pair of pants that were once Sousuke’s, but somehow shrunk two sizes in the dryer and now were Rin’s designated lounge pants. Something in his chest tightens because Rin looks so relaxed, at home — in this tiny dorm room, with him.

"I have some juice in the fridge."

"Oh, even better. I’m so freaking tired today. You have no idea how much energy it takes to restrain Momo from destroying his room. I told him to clean it, not break the floorboards." Rin starts chatting about what happened today and Sousuke listens, intermittently grunting in response while he pours juice into one of the three cups they share.

When he hands it over to Rin, he’s a little surprised to see the expression on Rin’s face. It’s open and soft, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"What."

"It’s nothing. Just… you’re so easy to live with, Sousuke. I guess that’s why people get married. I never knew living with someone could be easier than living alone." Rin laughs, and the sound is so happy that Sousuke feels his own mouth pull up into a grin.

"Only when you’re married to me."

At this, Rin sticks out his tongue and gives him a shove muttering, “Egotistical bastard.” Sousuke laughs and tosses a pillow at Rin which starts a wrestling fight, but it only lasts for a few seconds. Even with his injured shoulder Sousuke can take Rin down easily, and he watches with amusement as Rin struggles to wriggle out of his headlock.

"Some husband you make. I could have you down for domestic violence, you know."

"Oh, so you’re the wife?"

Sousuke watches as Rin turns scarlet and laughs, and laughs. He wonders if married life can be any better than what he has with Rin right now. He loosens his arms around Rin, but Rin stays where he is, his head buried against Sousuke’s chest. His hair smells like the shampoo they share and something else that is wholly Rin.

_'How can it be better?'_

He wonders if Rin feels the same way.


	5. Vampire AU 2

"So... explain to me how it works."

Rin grits his teeth and gives Sousuke his most vicious glare, but Sousuke remains unfazed. Maybe something is wrong with him.

_'No. Something is definitely wrong with him.'_ Rin corrects himself. Because Sousuke is in love with Rin and all too willing to set aside their differences for a few kisses. Rin wonders if Sousuke is attracted to the danger of the relationship, the fact that Rin can rip open his arteries with his fingernails and leave him to bleed in the gutter. That's what Rin should have done six months ago, when Sousuke first caught on that Rin was a vampire.

He stares into Sousuke's eyes and licks his lips involuntarily. When he argued with Haru that he had his reasons, Haru had given him his most judgmental blank stare and then had the nerve to actually snort at him. 'Don't regret it later when you cry,' he had said. Rin tactfully chose not to share with Haru that he already had, but instead vowed that he would listen to Haru's unspoken advice and keep Sousuke at a distance.

That hadn't worked either, because here he is sitting on the floor of Sousuke's room desperately trying to keep his eyes off the nape of Sousuke's neck. Contrary to popular belief, vampires rarely feed by going for the neck -- too messy. It's just that Sousuke's looks so warm and inviting and all Rin wants to do is press his lips right _there_ , on the area above his collarbone. He has more pushing matters, though.

Rin shoves Sousuke aside with just enough strength to show who's boss, but Sousuke's quick and he grabs onto Rin as he falls over the floor. Rin lands on Sousuke's chest and with an indignant huff, tries to upright himself when he hears Sousuke say, "You're dodging the subject. If it couldn't happen you'd say no. So... I guess that means sex is okay, as long as I don't make you bleed?"

Face flushing, Rin jerks his head up to tell Sousuke to cut the crap, but Sousuke doesn't look like he's joking. His blue eyes are dark and hot and Rin gets that helpless feeling in his chest, the one he has started to anticipate when he's alone with Sousuke. Before he can say anything Sousuke reaches out and cups Rin's face and whispers his name, and it really shouldn't affect Rin that much, but it does, the way his name sounds all husky and deep through Sousuke's voice.

Before he knows it, they're kissing with Rin pinning Sousuke down to the floor, but it feels like he's the one who's trapped. Rin tries to break the kiss, but Sousuke cranes his neck and follows him up, lips brushing against Rin's insistently. He reaches out and grabs Rin's hand and presses it down where Rin can feel he's hard. Rin jerks when he feels Sousuke's other hand creep up his thighs until he's palming Rin. Rin shudders as all of the blood in his body rushes down, and he feels dizzy with want.

"You... you shouldn't." He manages to get out when Sousuke leans in suddenly and bites down on Rin's lower lip. It splits open and before he can stop him, Sousuke is licking off the blood -- Rin's blood -- and for a moment Rin can't help but stare at Sousuke, the way he looks with Rin's blood staining his lips. He looks beautiful, dark and deadly, and for a fraction of a second Rin feels like their roles are switched; he is the hunter and Rin is the hunted. When his senses finally kick in, Sousuke is leaning towards him again and Rin shoves him off with more force than he means to, his judgment blurred by fear.

"Spit it out!" Rin cries, but Sousuke just smiles at him and licks the last drop off his lips.


	6. Camping

"Rin. You lived in Australia. How can you be afraid of bugs?"

"I’m not afraid of bugs! It’s just moths. They freak me out, okay?"

It was summer break of their first year in college, and Rin had somehow coaxed Sousuke into an impromptu camping trip. Now, Sousuke actually liked camping, but he hadn’t been too keen on the idea of going on one with Rin. First of all, Rin was far too fussy for camping. He was neat and clean. He had a hard time sleeping in a bed. An unfamiliar pillow was enough to keep him tossing and turning at night.

And it also turned out that he had a strange fear of moths. Sousuke almost screamed himself when he was suddenly attacked by a flurry of red and pink, which turned out to be Rin jumping into his arms because a moth had landed on his head while he had been cooking dinner. (The pink was an apron Rin had borrowed from Gou and had insisted on bringing because “No fucking way I’m getting stains on my shirt. No one’s going to be around to see me in it, anyway.”)

Sousuke sighed and shifted his arms so he could hoist Rin across his good shoulder. He was met with indignant squawks of ‘lemme go’ and ‘Sousuke you bastard, you’re gripping my ass,’ but once he pretended to groan in pain Rin immediately stopped resisting and swivelled his head so he could meet Sousuke’s eyes.

"Did I hurt you? Put me down. I shouldn’t have jumped on you in the first place." Rin looked guilty and Sousuke felt bad for making him worry, but it was worth it to be able to carry Rin around in peace. "It won’t hurt if you stop squirming." He added for good measure and Rin relaxed in his arms, letting Sousuke carry him around like a sack of potatoes.

When Sousuke reached the tent, he carefully set Rin down and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"Wait here. I’ll finish the food and bring it over."

It was swarming with moths because of their camping lantern, and at this rate they would never get to eat dinner. Sousuke turned to head back over when he felt something tug on his shirt. “Sousuke, wait.”

Rin pressed his lips against Sousuke’s, and Sousuke’s arms automatically wrapped around Rin’s waist to pull him closer. He could feel Rin’s eyelashes brush against his cheeks and Rin’s hands running up his back, into his hair. Sousuke was about to untie Rin’s apron and lift his shirt up when he heard Rin gasp out, not in pleasure, but in fear.

Sighing a little, Sousuke pecked Rin on the lips and then shooed the culprit out of their tent.

"Really, Rin. You owe me one."

"I’ll give you two tonight if you bring the food over?"

"Deal."


	7. Capernoited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Capernoited: Slightly intoxicated or tipsy.

Sousuke can feel the weight of Rin’s head sliding off his shoulder. He reaches out and gingerly balances it back and pours himself a shot. The liquid burns as it slips down his throat and Sousuke pours himself another one. And another. It doesn’t make a difference though, because drinks don’t affect Sousuke. At the end of the night his hands might shake a little, but his mind remains clear and entirely too sober.

"Sou—suke…" Rin drags out the syllables of his name and rubs his cheek against Sousuke’s neck. His lips graze Sousuke’s collarbone and Sousuke pauses for a moment, memorizing the feel of Rin’s lips on his skin. The bartender quirks an eyebrow at Sousuke, but Sousuke shuts him off with a pointed stare which has him shuffle nervously and dart his head down. One of Rin’s acquaintances who had been inching towards Rin hastily moves away as well. Sousuke finishes his drink and wraps an arm around Rin’s waist. He’s done.

He knows Rin will probably give him a mouthful later for scaring his friends (if you can call them that), but what does it matter when Sousuke won’t be here? His brief vacation has come to an end and he’ll be back in Japan within a few hours. Rin’s voice loses its bite when it echoes from a computer screen.

Sousuke takes out a few bills from his pocket and shoves it across the counter as he hoists Rin onto his back. Some people hoot at them on their way out, but Sousuke’s English isn’t good enough to make out what they are saying. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care.

What he does care about is Rin. He doesn’t like the people Rin hangs out with and he hates the bar they just left, but Sousuke doesn’t have the right to say anything.

He stumbles a little when Rin tightens his grip around Sousuke’s neck and nuzzles his head against Sousuke’s. Rin’s legs are curled around Sousuke’s torso and his fingers are digging into Sousuke’s muscles to the point it hurts. Sousuke is about to point this out when something starts to soak through his shirt. With a start he realizes that Rin is crying.

"Rin—"

"D’you have to go?" Rin’s voice is quiet and sad. He lets out a long, shuddery breath and starts to cry softly against Sousuke’s back and Sousuke fights to keep himself steady. If he looks at Rin he knows his resolve will crumble. He’s never been strong enough to resist Rin’s tears.

"You know I have to."

Even to his own ears his voice sounds dull and weak, and he hates it.

When he reaches Rin’s apartment Sousuke carefully sets Rin down on the steps and reaches in Rin’s pocket to fish out the keys. Suddenly, Rin’s hands are tight on his wrist and Sousuke can feel Rin’s breath — slightly fruity from the alcohol — hot against his face. Rin’s lips are  _so_  close. Sousuke doesn’t even have to move. If he stays still, he’s sure Rin will slide into him, but even waiting for that flash of a second seems too long.

Sousuke presses his lips against Rin’s. He hears Rin’s breath hitch when he moves in to deepen the kiss.

Rin probably won’t remember this tomorrow. He’s the worst kind of drunk, emotional and utterly vulnerable because he always, always blacks out. It’s one of the reasons Sousuke disapproves of Rin’s weekly outings to the bar, and he wonders if any of the people they met tonight took advantage of Rin, like he is doing now.

The thought hits him like a punch of ice cold water.

Sousuke slowly extricates himself from Rin and looks him in the eye. Rin looks soft and hazy, but Sousuke’s mind is too painfully lucid to make the next move.

"Sleep with me, t’night?" Rin gives him a hopeful look and Sousuke huffs out a laugh. Maybe he should have tried harder to get drunk.

"You’re drunk, Rin. You don’t really want to." Sousuke says softly and rubs his hands across Rin’s ankles. They’re cold. They really should go into Rin’s apartment and Sousuke should get his stuff packed up, he’s going to have to catch an early cab in a few hours to get to the airport on time—

His train of thought is cut short when Rin rubs his body insistently against Sousuke’s. “Le— let’s pretend you’re drunk, too? Why else d’you think I dragged you to a bar?”

Sousuke’s hands clench involuntarily around Rin’s ankles. When he sees a flash of pain across Rin’s face he forces himself to calm down, to think clearly — he’s not drunk, but Rin is making it difficult for him to concentrate. His hands are shaking and he can feel his heartbeat pound between his temples. Seconds pass, and Sousuke keeps his hands on Rin’s ankles as if he’s clutching onto a life boat.

"You won’t remember anything tomorrow, Rin." Sousuke finally lets out in a low voice. Rin just smiles and kisses the tip of Sousuke’s nose and then the corner of Sousuke’s mouth. He laughs a little and rubs at his eyes to wipe the stubborn tears that hang heavy on his lashes.

"Then make me." 


	8. Duende

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duende: Unusual power to attract or charm.

Sousuke hadn’t wanted to transfer to Sano, but his parents’ divorce was finalized. Dad was moving back to his hometown to be closer to family and he was taking Sousuke with him. Sousuke didn’t really understand. He thought most kids went with their mom when their parents separated, but from what he picked up from the hushed conversations between his dad and granddad, he was probably never going to see her again.

He would miss her. There was no one in the world quite like his mom. He knew she made mistakes, like the time she forgot to pick up Sousuke from school for hours and hours, so long that Sousuke trudged home by himself. Dad and mom had an argument that day, and Sousuke remembers listening to his mom’s tearful voice thinking it was no big deal — he had made it home, hadn’t he? Mom was careless. It was just the way she was.

She was also beautiful. Dad was so much older than she was and on the rare days they ate out as a family, people stared at her. They were probably wondering who she was and what relation she had with Sousuke’s father. Sousuke had heard his neighbors whisper a few times that mom didn’t look like dad’s wife at all — she looked more like his daughter.

The only way a stranger might guess that they were a family would be by looking at Sousuke’s eyes. He looked like his father, but he had the same eyes as his mother, clear, bright and the same color as the ocean on a sunny day. Mom liked Sousuke’s eyes and told him this often; she would kiss him on the eyelids very carefully and then laugh at Sousuke’s expression, because he never knew how to react when she acted like this around him. She often scolded Sousuke for looking so serious, but he couldn’t help it. When mom hugged him, he felt as if his heart might burst.

She was gone now. When they moved into their new house dad grasped Sousuke’s hand tightly and whispered in a low voice that they would have to make do without her. Sousuke didn’t want to, but he guessed that it didn’t matter in the end. He would have to.

He didn’t go to school for two months. Dad was busy getting settled in and helping out with granddad’s work that he didn’t have the time to register Sousuke. Dad kept saying maybe the next week, or the week after — but somehow those weeks stretched out into months and Sousuke still wasn’t in school. He didn’t mind. He spent most of his days walking around the beach, spending long hours staring at the horizon. The water calmed him. It reminded him of his mother’s eyes.

He wondered if she missed him. She probably didn’t. Dad had said mom was a free spirit, that no one could catch her, and that she lived the way she pleased. When his parents first separated Sousuke had thought that dad stopped loving mom, but now he realizes that it might have been the other way around. He loved her too much.

"What’cha doing out here?"

A voice cut through the steady waves of the ocean and hit Sousuke with a force that shocked him. He wondered how he could have missed someone creeping up to him. How he let someone get so close.

Sousuke peered up from his usual spot at the beach and saw a boy his age. At least, he thought it was a boy. He had a girly face, wide eyes fringed with long, long eyelashes, but the way he held himself was distinctively boyish, even bordering on cocky.

"Why aren’t you in school?"

Sousuke could have asked the same question to the boy himself. But instead he turned his eyes back to the ocean and tried to concentrate on the cool stillness. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He wished the boy would leave and let him gaze across the horizon and think of his mother. The way she laughed at him. The way her eyes crinkled with tears when Sousuke kissed her goodnight. The way she left him, without ever looking back. The way she never called or sent letters.

The boy didn’t take kindly to being ignored however, and with a loud huff he plopped down next to Sousuke and shoved his face close.

"You have pretty eyes." The boy announced, and Sousuke froze.

He could have said the same about the boy. Their noses were almost touching, and all Sousuke could see was the bright, shiny red of the boy’s eyes. He felt his breath catch in his throat. He blinked, and a wave of emotions came crashing into him, raw and yearning. Instinctively he knew he should get away, the boy reminded him of his mother. Not in the way he looked, or even the way he acted — but how he seemed to light up Sousuke’s world until it was just a little too bright for him.

He could have ignored the boy, but before he could help himself, he felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile.

"I’m Sousuke."

"Rin. It’s a girly name, but I’m definitely a boy."


	9. Rin makes Sousuke dinner

"I’m going to make you dinner."

Sousuke blinked. He didn’t quite understand.

"Rin, why does it sound like you’re threatening me?"

Rin snarled and turned bright red — which made him look frankly terrifying. He also looked like he wanted to bite Sousuke’s head off (or his own, if he could) so Sousuke took a few cautious steps back. He sized up the situation: Rin was holding a frying pan and a frilly white apron. He was chewing on his lower lip and scrunching up his nose as if he really wanted to say something, but at the same time, he couldn’t.

"I’m not threatening you. I’m doing something nice for you, dumbass. We’re going to the kitchen." And with that he tugged at Sousuke’s sleeve and started leading him to the common cooking area.

The dorms were empty that weekend. Most of the students had gone home to spend Christmas with their families. Sousuke guessed he should have gone home too, but then again, he hadn’t been too keen on spending Christmas in an empty house. His father was away on a business trip abroad —  _"Sorry, son. I’ll be back for New Year’s."_

It was fine. It didn’t really matter.

When Rin gently pushed him into the kitchen Sousuke took a moment to take in his surroundings. There were candles on the tiny plastic table. One of them was huge and ostensibly pink with a tacky label claiming that it smelled like cotton candy. The other one was long, thin and white — it distinctively looked like it belonged on someone’s shrine, not a dinner table.

Sousuke let out a low whistle. “Rin. You shouldn’t have.”

A warm feeling nestled in his chest as he saw Rin’s ears burn pink.

"Shut up and sit. You’re too big and clumsy to help. Just watch." Rin muttered. And with that, he resolutely tied the frilly white apron around his waist. ("Don’t you dare laugh or dinner’s going up your nose.")

And so Sousuke watched. He liked watching Rin.

Rin took out a cutting board and started vigorously attacking a slab of meat with what looked like a tiny hammer. He cracked a few eggs into a small bowl, whisked it with salt and pepper, and then dunked the meat into the mixture. When he took out a plastic bag filled with breadcrumbs Sousuke thought he was going to sprinkle it on the meat, but instead Rin shoved the whole meat-egg mess into the bag and shook it until the muscles of his arms stood out. Some of the breadcrumbs escaped the bag and landed on Rin’s hair. Sousuke snorted.

"I was going to say you look cute, but I change my mind."

Rin flashed him a smile. “Good. That means I won’t have to shove this up your nose.”

(Sousuke didn’t say that he had the  **worst** urge to kiss Rin. Breadcrumbs and all.)

He watched Rin furrow his eyebrows as he concentrated on the stove.

For a few minutes neither of them talked, and Sousuke listened to the sound of hot oil bouncing against the frying pan. His mind drifted, and he thought of this morning when he had woken up and found that Rin hadn’t gone home, either.

He hadn’t meant for Rin to stay back with him. They had argued for a while until finally, Rin coaxed him into a match of jankenpon saying that if he won Sousuke would have to spend Christmas with the Matsuoka’s. If Sousuke won, he would get to stay at Samezuka.

Sousuke hadn’t meant to win. Or maybe a selfish part of him did, because he knew deep inside that Rin would never allow Sousuke to spend Christmas alone. He watched Rin wipe at his brow with the back of his hand. Some red tendrils were clinging to the back of his neck, slick with sweat, and Sousuke felt his heart clench painfully in his chest.

He was so in love with Rin.

He watched Rin light the candles, carefully, one by one. The lights of the kitchen were flicked off and the table glowed warmly in the dark. Some of the light played off Rin’s hair and made it shine ruby red.

Rin placed two dishes on the table. It didn’t look like anything special; just rice and tonkatsu, with a side of store bought sauce and some shredded lettuce.

"C’mon. What are you staring at. Try some."

Rin looked impatient, so Sousuke dutifully sawed off a piece with a plastic knife as best as he could and took a bite. He chewed slowly, using the time to look at Rin — the way his eyes were darting nervously from side to side, the way he rubbed at the back of his neck, the way color crept up from under his shirt to stain his throat and face a deep, dark pink.

"Well? How is it?"

He couldn’t help it. He placed his hand against Rin’s cheek and let it sit there, taking in how Rin looked, flushed and wholly his, at least for a sliver of a moment.

He saw Rin’s eyes cloud with confusion, and before he could say anything Sousuke flicked his finger against Rin’s nose with a grin.

"Pretty good. Not quite marriage material — but the apron was a nice touch. I’ll let you practice on me some more before your time comes."

He expected Rin to scowl and maybe even kick him, but instead Rin had that look on his face again. As if he really, really wanted to say something. But at the same time, he couldn’t.

Instead he said in a quiet voice, softly, so that Sousuke had to strain to hear. “Eat. I made it for you, you know.”


	10. Brontide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brontide: The low rumbling of distant thunder.

Rin hates winter. The wind cuts through his thin jacket and stabs his skin with a relentless kind of ferocity. He shivers and forces himself to keep walking. He almost wants to turn back, but he reminds himself that he promised Sousuke. He shoves his hands in his pocket and concentrates on keeping his head down, focusing on this feet. Sometimes, it’s just easier to walk this way.

When he reaches the office he slumps to the corner and puts his headset on even though he isn’t listening to anything. He doesn’t want to miss his name when the nurse calls him. He just wants to get this over with and bolt out of here as fast as he can.

He missed his last appointment and once he gets what he needs, he plans on missing the next one as well. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but there’s a sick sort of satisfaction that comes from not taking care of himself the way he should. It makes him feel closer to Sousuke. The sex is better too, and although he hates crying he always ends up gasping out deep ugly sobs that have Sousuke rubbing his back for hours and hours. He loves those moments because they feel _real_ , even though he knows they hurt Sousuke.

For Sousuke’s sake he wishes he can drive the beast away, but a part of Rin is scared of getting better. He swallows his pills, but always misses a day or two every week. He might have stopped taking them altogether if he didn’t have Sousuke checking up on him.

He hears his name being called and slinks behind the nurse, passing the heavy doors leading to the doctor’s office. He hopes he can keep this short.

—-

"How was it?"

"Okay. He says I don’t have to come back for six months."

Neither of them mention what might happen in six months.

Sousuke peels off his left glove and puts it on Rin’s hand. He grabs the other one and places it in his pocket. Rin squirms his hand against the warm fabric of Sousuke’s jacket and wonders how Sousuke thinks of doing these little gestures that make him feel well-loved and protected. It should be the other way around, but Rin knows no matter how hard he tries he can’t save Sousuke.

"What do you want to do? I have the whole day off. We can do whatever you want." Sousuke asks. 

Rin stares into his eyes. Not for the first time, he thinks Sousuke deserves so much better. Rin has hurt him in every possible way, and even now what he has to offer is eating away at Sousuke, little by little. The only reason why he stays with him is because he knows he’ll break Sousuke’s heart if he leaves. It’s a special kind of hell he’s made for himself as well, this odd state of limbo where no matter what he does he ends up hurting Sousuke.

"Let’s fuck."

—-

He’s a sniveling mess leaning against the railing of their balcony and he watches his tears drop into the black abyss below.

Rin hugs himself and thinks about everything he’s fucked up in his life. He spends a few minutes indulging in self-pity, but it never goes on for long. There’s a strange brake in his head that pulls the stopper and directs himself back on track, which is why Rin has spent so much time falling deeper and deeper, without splitting his skull against the ground yet.

"Rin."

Warm arms encircle his waist and bring him back into the bedroom. Sousuke looks sleepy and there are fine lines creasing the corner of his eyes. He’s really too young to look like this and Rin knows it’s partly his fault.

"Tell me what’s wrong." Sousuke says, and Rin lets out a desperate laugh because both of them know that everything is wrong.

He wants to say a lot of things — that he’s sorry. That he loves him, but too late and too little. He’ll never catch up now, with Sousuke so far ahead of him and the finish line just a few steps away.

Outside the sky rumbles  and Rin feels tears roll off his cheeks in time to the pitter patter of rain.

"Don’t leave me." He whispers, but his words are lost to another distant roll of thunder.


	11. Ultracrepidarian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ultracrepidarian: Of one who speaks or offers opinions on matters beyond their knowledge.

Rin was proud of his body. Sure, he wasn’t the biggest guy on the swim team, but every inch of his body was toned to perfection. He didn’t skimp in the gym. No matter how tired he was he always bench-pressed the same amount, ran the same distance, swam until his body was worn out to the point that he would flop onto his bed and fall asleep within seconds. He had nice arms, hard, prominent abs and an ass to die for. Some days when he was feeling truthful, Rin would silently concede that Haru  _might_  be the superior swimmer, but when it came to body image there was no question who was better endowed.

His dick was kind of small, though.

He honestly never paid any attention to it until Sousuke came to the scene, because well, Sousuke was  **huge.**

Momo had been the first to point this out. It was when Sousuke was still new and everyone was intimidated by his stature as a nationally ranked swimmer. Sousuke would later deadpan that his balls were his ice-breaker and while Rin laughed with the rest of the team he couldn’t help noticing the way guys eyed Sousuke with a new-found admiration that had nothing to do with his swimming ability.

It was stupid, but he guessed it was expected. Samezuka was an all-boys school and guys appreciated big dicks.

Honestly. As if it were something to be proud of. Rin speculated that he would feel more impressed if Sousuke had put in as much work in his dick as he had in swimming, but nope. He was just blessed with it. Nothing special about that.

"Oh, I don’t know Rin-senpai. I’m sure  **a lot** of people would find it special.”

For some reason, the thought made something cold and tight settle into the pit of Rin’s stomach and he silently fumed at Sousuke for letting Momo shoot off his mouth like that. Sousuke didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, though. He just raised an eyebrow at Momo and continued to give pointers to Nakamura as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Luckily, Rin was able to purposefully banish any unwanted thoughts of dicks (especially, Sousuke’s) to the corner of his mind. He was above all of this. It absolutely did not matter that Sousuke was big and he was not. It made no difference to him that people found certain body parts of Sousuke special. (Besides, too bad for them because Rin was the one who got to see Sousuke’s body day in and day out.)

After spending a month rooming with Sousuke Rin would grudgingly admit that yes, maybe Sousuke’s body  **was**  special. After all, he worked really hard on it. ‘But not his dick.’ Rin thought vindictively. That was just pure luck.

And the whole thing would have ended then and there if it hadn’t been for Momo.

—

It happened one day out of the blue after practice. Momo blithely struck up a conversation by nodding confidingly to Rin’s crotch and saying, “It’s okay Rin-senpai, I know how to make it bigger.”

Rin graciously saved himself from spitting out the water he had been chugging, but he ended up gagging and turning purple and pink. He covered his crotch with a towel as best as he could and glared at Momo, who was staring very pointedly  _down there_. Unfortunately, jammers were made to reduce water resistance, which meant they hugged every inch of your body like second skin.

"What the hell, Momo?!"

Momo nodded understandingly while pointing to Rin’s crotch. “Ni-chan explained it to me once. It’s like any other muscle. You have to work it to make it bigger.”

Frankly, Rin had been ready to unleash the iron-claw on Momo, but something made him pause. He hated himself for it, but the inner theory-freak inside of him said in a tiny voice,  _'It does make sense. Muscles **do**  get bigger with use.’_

Rin bared his teeth, narrowed his eyes and gave Momo his most ferocious glare while whispering through the corner of his mouth, “Tell me more.”

—

Maybe there was some truth in what Momo had said, because Rin probably didn’t jerk off half as much as a normal, healthy teenager should.

It wasn’t entirely his fault. Rin blamed most of it on dorm life — it was hard to find any privacy in Samezuka. He shared a tiny room with his best friend and they were always together because they did everything together. (That is, everything but  **this.** )

Rin hadn’t whacked off once since rooming with Sousuke and he knitted his eyebrows as he wondered if his dick had suffered the consequences.

"You’re thinking of something."

One thing about being best friends with someone who could almost read your mind — there were no such thing as secrets, no matter how embarrassing. Rin could have tried lying, but what was the point? Besides, he needed help. He couldn’t stand spending another day wondering whether it was possible to physically neglect your dick to the point where it shrank.

"I have a problem." He managed to squeak out.

Sousuke looked concerned and shifted his body so that he was facing Rin, and while it was heartwarming to see Sousuke focus all of his attention on him like that, Rin couldn’t help noticing that he could see the firm outline of Sousuke’s balls through his thin sweatpants. He gulped and gnawed on his lips nervously.

"Rin, what is it?"

Rin took a deep breath and pulled Sousuke closer, so he didn’t have to hear his own voice ask such an idiotic question.

—

To Sousuke’s credit, he didn’t laugh. At least, not right away. He blinked. And then looked down at Rin’s crotch. He sort of stared for a minute with the corners of his mouth turned down in concentration, as if he looked hard enough, he would be able to see through Rin’s pants, too. He then looked up at Rin and blinked again.

 _Then_ , he laughed — but not like Rin had been expecting. It was sort of a fond, exasperated sound that went straight to the bottom of Rin’s chest and let loose a warm, fuzzy feeling.

"First of all, you’re fine. You’re not ‘too small’ or whatever you think you are."

Rin could feel his ears turning pink, but all the same it was a relief to hear it from Sousuke. He would have died in mortification before being caught asking such a stupid question to anyone else.

"And no, underuse has nothing to do with size. It isn’t a muscle. It’s a smooth tissue. Only skeletal muscles get bigger with use."

Trust Sousuke to know how penises worked. Sometimes, Rin forgot that he was even a worse theory-freak than Rin was. Rin felt his mouth pull into a smile and most of the awkwardness melted away as Sousuke reached out and tousled his hair.

Rin grinned and playfully kicked him back which somehow led to a wrestle fight and ultimately, Rin being pinned to the floor. He didn’t mind though. It was Sousuke, after all. He nudged his head into the crook of Sousuke’s neck and tickled the spot until he could feel Sousuke quiver above him. He felt blissfully happy.

—

"Hey, Rin."

"Hmmm?"

"On second thought, if you’re that eager to test Mikoshiba’s idea, I **can**  give you a hand.”

Rin choked and shoved Sousuke to the side as hard as he could.

—

_(Maybe he could, but some other day.)_


	12. Sousuke makes Rin dinner (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of chapter 9, 'Rin makes Sousuke dinner'

Sousuke was cooking dinner today.

Rin stared at the sight before him. Sousuke was methodically chopping an onion — albeit very, very slowly, but into nice, even pieces. In a paper bowl there was a small mountain of green peppers and mushrooms, also sliced the same way. Neatly. Carefully.

"Are you sure you don’t need any help?"

"For the third time, Rin. I’m fine."

Sousuke didn’t look like he needed help and that was what flabbergasted Rin the most. Since when did Sousuke cook? Rin had roomed with him for almost a year now and this was the first time he saw Sousuke wielding a kitchen utensil that went beyond basic cutlery. Even when Rin cooked, he always hung back, choosing to do the dishes or help with the cleaning.

The menu was stir-fried steak and vegetables.

Rin fiddled with the small candle placed at the center of the table. It wasn’t the horrendous cotton candy scented monstrosity that Rin had borrowed from Minami last month, nor was it the one Uozumi had offered straight off his great-grandmother’s miniature shrine situated at the corner of his room. No, Sousuke had somehow procured a candle that looked like it  **belonged** on a table. It even had dried flowers pressed against the surface, and Rin ran his fingers over the edge feeling the tiny veins of the once-pink petals.

"Where did you get the candle?"

"Someone gave it to me. I have five more if you want to use them," Sousuke grunted, and started cooking the steak on the stove.

Rin paused to think who the hell in Samezuka would give Sousuke a set of tiny pink candles. He started to ask, but the smell of beef hit Rin’s nostrils and his stomach let out a loud gurgle. He scuffled his feet against the floor to hide his embarrassment.

"Cook faster!"

"Hey, I said you could wait in our room."

But how could Rin miss out seeing Sousuke cook? He gazed at the way Sousuke’s t-shirt stretched tight across his back as he started sautéing the vegetables with the seared beef.

Rin wondered when he had gotten so broad. Since they were little, Sousuke had always been taller, but it was still strange to see him so strong and sturdy looking. He looked like nothing could ever knock him down.  _(Except that wasn’t quite so true, and Rin never forgave himself for not noticing sooner.)_

His hands were still the same though. Large, warm and gentle. Sousuke messily wiped one of them on Rin’s head and Rin frowned, though he was secretly pleased. He liked it when Sousuke touched him. In a lot of different ways that even he couldn’t understand.

"You should’ve worn an apron. You have oil all over your shirt," Rin poked at Sousuke’s chest.

"Not everyone can look good in an apron," Sousuke teased back, and Rin jabbed his finger a little harder than necessary — not that it went in much further — poking Sousuke was like ramming your finger into a brick wall.

"Ta-da." 

Rin grinned at the plate of food Sousuke placed before him. He nudged his leg against Sousuke’s.

"Shut up and sit already. I’m starved."

It actually looked pretty presentable. Sure the rice was microwaved and the sauce was the same store bought one Rin used for the tonkatsu a month ago, but it smelled great. Not waiting for Sousuke to settle into his seat, Rin stabbed a piece of meat and put it in his mouth.

He widened his eyes. And then he kicked Sousuke’s knee from across the table. “Geez, why didn’t you tell me you can cook?”

Sousuke calmly peeled the plastic off the instant rice. “I don’t cook. But I can read recipes and any idiot can follow them. Stir-fry isn’t hard,” he said.

Rin begged to differ. Makoto could read fine  **and**  he had Haru to help him, but he still managed to burn his hand or add too much salt to whatever he cooked. Gou’s cooking came in two flavors. Chocolate protein powder or strawberry protein powder. And god forbid anyone let Nagisa into a kitchen.

He could tell Sousuke was getting embarrassed, though so he let it pass.Most people wouldn’t be able to tell, but Rin could. It wasn’t so much that there was a change in his expression — it was more subtle than that. The air around him felt stiffer. That was the best way Rin could explain it.

The candle flickered and the light bounced off the blue of Sousuke’s eyes and turned it a shade greener. Rin felt his mouth go dry.

He liked Sousuke. A lot. And it was getting harder and harder not to let it show.

"You wanna do something together this weekend?" Rin blurted out.

Rin felt his ears grow warm. Sousuke was looking at him with a curious expression on his face, probably because they _always_  spent the weekend together. Usually at the gym or school library — but that wasn’t what Rin had in mind for this weekend. He wanted to do something special.

"Why?"

Rin blinked.

It took him a few seconds to understand what Sousuke meant. He never had to explain  _why_ he wanted to spend time with Sousuke. It was different from when Makoto or Nagisa dragged Rin into one of their outings — usually, Rin would scowl and demand a reason why it was necessary for him to make the trip to Iwatobi, but with Sousuke, he never really needed one. After all, they liked spending time with each other. They were comfortable with each other to the point that they didn’t needany particular reason to hang out with each other.

At least, that’s what he had thought.

"What do you mean ‘why’?" Rin gritted out. Sousuke shrugged his shoulders and answered gently, "You send me mixed signals, Rin."

Rin fell quiet. Sousuke was looking back at him with an unreadable expression on his face. His eyes were so intense — Rin could practically feel himself grow smaller under his gaze.

He needed to say something. Anything. Words were fighting to escape his mouth, but for some reason Rin couldn’t move; much less, offer anything of significance.

He was too scared, too unsure. It was right  **there** , the chance to make everything about their relationship change, something that had been weighing heavily on his mind ever since the relay.

And Rin couldn’t mistake the challenge in Sousuke’s eyes — Sousuke was waiting for him to cross the line. Testing him.

All Rin had to do was say the words he had been mulling over for the past few weeks.

"I…," Rin choked out.

He wanted to say it. Get it over with. He could practically hear himself shouting inside of his head. Impatient. Desperate. Urging. ( _C’mon. Just say it!)_

But how could he, when he honestly had no idea what he wanted from Sousuke.

 _I like you._  That was easy enough. But Rin didn’t know much about what came next. What if he was wrong?

Rin pushed his chair out from his seat, and fled.


	13. Drifting apart

Since they were little, they fought frequently, sometimes viciously. It didn’t help that both of them knew exactly what to say to hit hard. That was the problem of understanding someone inside and out, better than anyone else in the world. While Rin knew how to put the biggest grin on Sousuke’s face, he could just as easily take it away and hurt him deep enough to leave scars. The only way this worked was because Sousuke held the same power over Rin.

Strangely enough, the time they spent apart helped them, in a way: Rin and Sousuke didn’t fight half as much as they used to. They had changed. There were some parts of Rin that Sousuke would never understand, and Rin wasn’t able to guess half of what was going on in Sousuke’s head anymore.

It made Rin cautious, because before, he could always guess how Sousuke would react to his words. He knew exactly how far to push and when to stop. Sometimes, if his temper got the better of him he  **wouldn’t**  stop, but that was because he knew deep inside that Sousuke would always forgive him, unconditionally.

He couldn’t count on that anymore. Sousuke had always been such a steady presence in his life, but now he was slipping through Rin’s hands like fine sand. Since their relay, Rin caught him frequently gazing off into the distance with an unreadable expression on his face that made Rin’s heart clench up in fear. Sousuke was drifting away, and Rin knew – somehow he just did – that Sousuke was going to leave.

Where to, he had no idea. But it would be someplace out of his reach. Rin was heading towards the Olympics, his dream, but Sousuke was veering off into a very different path.

He wondered if Sousuke’s final destination would be as bright and triumphant as his original dream. Part of Rin despaired because he suspected it wouldn’t be.  _Because how could anything be greater than swimming pro together?_

Another part of him felt downright sick, because what if it he was wrong and Sousuke  _would_  grasp the happiness Rin knew he deserved, but in a future where Rin played absolutely no role. 

What if Sousuke didn’t need swimming,  _wouldn’t_  need Rinanymore, and was perfectly happy with that?

When Rin was scared he lashed out. And unfortunately, although the frequency of their fights declined, Rin now had an arsenal of hurtful words to throw at his disposal. What was vicious in their childhood now bordered on cruel.

“How could you give up so easily?”

It was the worst thing he could have said. What he had intended to say was something entirely different.  _Don’t leave me. Talk to me. Be with me._  But deep down, an ugly part of him had wanted to hurt Sousuke. Maybe if he cut him deep enough Sousuke would burst open and all the unsaid words would come rushing forth. Anything would be better than this stalemate they were at, the indescribable fear Rin felt whenever he saw Sousuke.

He felt a thrill go up his spine when he saw Sousuke’s eyes flash and turn a shade darker.  _That_  was the Sousuke he knew. He braced himself for a fight, just like old times, where both of them would throw words with the intention to make a mark on the other.

And then he went still, because he could see the fight dissipate from Sousuke’s eyes. It used to be that Rin held the largest portion of Sousuke’s heart in his hands, but now he was slipping away. And Rin didn’t know how to keep him close anymore.

“It’s fine if you think that way, Rin.”

He wondered if everything would ever go back to normal. Whether they could ever be right again.


End file.
